I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
