I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
