im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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