dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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