Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
