it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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