I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
