I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
