took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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