All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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