I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
