im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
