i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Floor bacon is actually really good
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
