Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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