if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
