My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
