what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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