I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
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