We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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