i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
