just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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