Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
