life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
