It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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