I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
After last night, I could never be a politician.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
