My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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