worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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