he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
