This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
