Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
