Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
