My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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