i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
