so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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