Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
