I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
