If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
