We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I've blown a few things in my day
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
