you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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