I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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