You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"