Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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