yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
