4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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