how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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