dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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