So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
