He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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