i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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