just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Come see our sink grown plant.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
