so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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