True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
i believe in u and ur pee
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
