You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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