he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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