dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
My bed smells like the plague
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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