She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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