How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
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so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
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If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize