so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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