just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I had to cum in my sink.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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