I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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