I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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