I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize