What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I want to be your penis for a week.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
